As a young man, I had a rage problem, probably connected to my childhood molestation. People asked why I couldn't just control the impulse when I saw it coming. The answer was that I never saw it coming: it just happened. I really didn't know how I would ever change this in myself. But it changed. What spurred the change was my children starting to leave me because of it. I dug deep, though I didn't like what I saw, and the rage went away (not overnight). In my own experience, what enables people to change deep-seated problems is to realize that the loved ones affected by my behavior were more important to me that the addiction itself.